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worthy1 in married_women

When, oh when?

At what point in your marriage/relationship did ex's STOP contacting you or your hubby?

This seems neverending! It's never emails or texts or phone calls saying "hey, let's get back together" but the "I just wanted to say hi and see how you are doing" crap never seems to end!!! It's CONSTANT! If it's not someone on my side, it's on his! Some of these people have even been told that we don't really feel it's appropriate to maintain a friendship with them now that we're married. 

I mean seriously!


Whoa, none of his exes have contacted us since we started dating, even. That would be a big issue for me after marriage! But to be honest, most people don't feel the same way about opposite sex friendship as we do (and as you guys also seem to ) - so it's really difficult to explain to a friendly ex why you don't like them "just checking in and saying hi". Most people genuinely feel like there is nothing wrong there.

I am not in contact with any exes (and I have just a few) and neither is he. The one exception is that we continue to maintain a friendship with a girl he used to "fool around" with - but over time she's become a good friend to me and that's why we keep in contact, becuase she is now BOTH of our friends, not just his. It was a long time ago that he and she fooled around, and it helps that she has an awesome husband and marriage and that we can all hang out together with no hard feelings. But part of that is HER attitude, too - she doesn't bring up the past, doesn't come onto my husband, and is so head-over-heels with her man and her family that I'm not uncomfortable with their history.

Sorry for writing a book, there. If you both have told your exes to back off, the only thing you can really do is not contact back - don't respond, block their online messages, whatever. When you change numbers/addresses, don't give them the new one. And until then, just ignore the calls and mail that comes in. :)
No, the book is good! :)

Our relationship and still even now our marriage has taken place while we are 800 miles away from each other. Some ex's are still in the same city, some are in different states. Neither of us are good at hurting people, so we've managed to not cut off ex's but to remain acquantances. Neither of us agree with the other having ex's as friends, yet it IS hard to tell someone to go away.

I've done it. A couple of times. I've point blank said "listen, no more. You are a great person. I appreciate the time I've had with you even as a friend, but now I'm married so no more." Some have respected that - others have still sent messages saying "I'm sorry for contacting you but I really just want to know how you are doing." At that point, I ignore.

He on the other hand has always just ignored, and these girls are persistant. They keep trying! They don't have his phone number because he has changed it (though I'm sure they could get it pretty easily so I'm just waiting on that). He still gets im's and emails. He just ignores. One in particular, he has known her mom far longer than he's known her. Her mom is really good friends with his mom. Does he tell her to stop and possibly cause family drama?

I don't know. I'm just sick of getting this a couple of times a month. It's ridiculous! I'm honestly getting fed up with technology. It's so easy to find & contact people, especially in secret! These girls don't know that I have his email password, so they email him - behind their husband's/boyfriend's back.

It's funny because their is one that I know about that has been respectful. She is the one that I have dreams about being friends with! It's crazy.

Sorry, now I'm writing a book and telling all of my business.
No, I totally understand your frustration. If you guys have done all you can, this is a sucky situation where you just have to wait it out.

One thing to think of - do you have filter options on your email? You could set up a filter so any email from those girls/guys addresses could skip the inbox and just go straight to delete. I know I pull that one with a particular address that my MIL uses only to send stupid Spam forwards. It helps a lot to just never even see the message! He can block their sn's on most IM programs.

The good thing is that eventually, they WILL stop calling. They will give up. Hang in there!

Thank you! :)
We just stopped using AIM when exes sorta chased us from one SN to another, and now we use yahoo and are very selective about who gets put on it (and knows our chat names). And we use Google chat and just don't give out those addys.

Better to be selective than cause each other grief.
I would cause family drama!!
Me too! But I can't force that on him.

I'm just funny about this kind of stuff. I don't have old letters or gifts or pictures. I don't even have journals that mentioned exes.

Lol I would do it myself.

Seriously I'm horrible here...
marriage ceremony

September 2007

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